Crisis from happiness
#Here and now reflections
The other type of crisis: too much of a good thing
Too many positive events can also challenge your mental state as much as a series of negative ones. Relocation, a dream job, a wedding, having kids, and other new beginnings can feel overwhelming, especially when they happen all at once.
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It might seem you are supposed to be happy and enjoy life, but it's draining instead. Sleep issues, irritability, anxiety, panic attacks, lack of focus and overall tiredness can indicate a crisis. And it doesn't matter if it comes from positive events. Big changes are tough, regardless of their nature!
When there are multiple events, it can be a multiple crisis that needs to be addressed even more urgently. What to do?
First, give yourself a break. If something feels overwhelming to you, it is, and it doesn't matter what others think. No one can challenge your feelings. If one task is easy for one person, it doesn't mean it's easy for someone else.
When there are multiple events, it can be a multiple crisis that needs to be addressed even more urgently. What to do?
First, give yourself a break. If something feels overwhelming to you, it is, and it doesn't matter what others think. No one can challenge your feelings. If one task is easy for one person, it doesn't mean it's easy for someone else.
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Areas of attention
Resources that give energy and support system
Increase predictability
Protect your boundaries and reduse energy leaks
Emotions processing and identity change need time
| Reliance on others People with whom you can just be yourself. A shoulder to cry on. A non-judgmental person who would listen. Therapy also counts. Sometimes support from others means just delegating household chores. Or having 3 different doctors for a second opinion. Or decreasing social interactions. Or perhaps going out twice as often. Together with increasing resources, try to decrease energy-draining activities. For example, sometimes it is reasonable to take a break from work when it is hard to cope with private life. |
Inner resources
What gives you energy?
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BodyIt can be anything from having a bath to a heavy workout or getting nails done. Activities that bring our focus to bodily sensations increase our sense of reliance on ourselves. Sleeping for 10 hours every night also counts! -
Emotions and experiencesIt could be a deep conversation with a friend or a partner. For someone, it'd be playing with kids, gardening, knitting, cleaning, or something entirely different. The point is, find something that leaves you energised. -
Creative disctructionsGoing to a museum, walking in a park, going to the movies, eating out, playing a favourite video game, you see the idea. However, it is important to keep such activities adaptive and recharging, rather than using them as a deflection and avoidance. We want to reduce the toll of stress, not create more stress.
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Create structure
It is not about getting organised or playing the role of a project manager! These tips are effective even if planning isn't your strength. In a nutshell, adding structure is similar to colour-coding your calendar. If you have kids, you are already familiar with the concepts.
Important to understand: Structure creates predictability, which, in turn, decreases anxiety. This is one of the reasons therapy, in most cases, happens on the same day at the same time.
Important to understand: Structure creates predictability, which, in turn, decreases anxiety. This is one of the reasons therapy, in most cases, happens on the same day at the same time.
Day structure: same sleep schedule, same routine of getting ready, same eating time. It might sound boring or scary; however, it eliminates small choices throughout the day, saving energy. In a broader context, day structure provides ground for reliance on the surroundings.
Tailored timing: observe for a while to see which activities work best at what times. If going to the gym in the evening gives you great sleep and energy, why force yourself to fit the social norm of morning exercises? Such a way of thinking can be applied to anything from deep thinking to housecleaning. Indeed, not everything can be adjusted this way. However, small tweaks can still save significant energy.
Decrease multitasking: it is very likely that when you juggle unrelated activities throughout the day, you feel more tired. In general, grouping tasks by themes or context helps save energy. There can be exceptions for neurodiversity, of course.
Tailored timing: observe for a while to see which activities work best at what times. If going to the gym in the evening gives you great sleep and energy, why force yourself to fit the social norm of morning exercises? Such a way of thinking can be applied to anything from deep thinking to housecleaning. Indeed, not everything can be adjusted this way. However, small tweaks can still save significant energy.
Decrease multitasking: it is very likely that when you juggle unrelated activities throughout the day, you feel more tired. In general, grouping tasks by themes or context helps save energy. There can be exceptions for neurodiversity, of course.
Social pressure
It is socially expected to glow with joy from a wedding, pregnancy, or another significant event.
You don't have to enjoy! Is it okay to want it done and over.
You don't have to enjoy! Is it okay to want it done and over.
Our sensitivity and ability to process emotions vary a great deal. What is a pure joy for one can be absolutely draining for the other. Therefore, when someone challenges your feelings, it is helpful to have options for politely rejecting imposed expectations. Examples:
"I see this differently"
"We don't have to agree. Let's meet in the middle"
"I see this differently"
"We don't have to agree. Let's meet in the middle"
Assimilation takes time
One might assume that once the event is over, we can happily move on. Not really — it needs processing to acclimatise with big life changes. In practice, this process happens in waves, similar to grief.
Sharp realisation that you have chanaged might occur in the most unexpected moment. For example, emotional acknowledgment of now being married, while picking up milk in the groccery store. Or realisation of having changed professions, while filling in an insurance form. Sometimes it happens after half a year or even later.
In some cases, there are no emotions after the event. We all process things differently. However, it is common to "forget" about the change as a mean of self-protection from overwhelming feelings. Give yoursef time. Once there is mind space and safe environment, things will begin to open up.
Sharp realisation that you have chanaged might occur in the most unexpected moment. For example, emotional acknowledgment of now being married, while picking up milk in the groccery store. Or realisation of having changed professions, while filling in an insurance form. Sometimes it happens after half a year or even later.
In some cases, there are no emotions after the event. We all process things differently. However, it is common to "forget" about the change as a mean of self-protection from overwhelming feelings. Give yoursef time. Once there is mind space and safe environment, things will begin to open up.
It is helpful to use the concept "for now":
Sometimes there is just too much to process, and it's "where do I even start?". Same suggestion, it needs time for the dust to settle.
- For now I can only cry and look into nowhere;
- For now I'm angry and don't know what to do next;
- For now I'm just puzzled and feel lost;
- For now I feel nothing but can't sleep well.
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Food for thought
The identity change (who am I?) is a process, similar to the process of grief. When we get something new, we lose something old.
Try to think about what you lost by getting the new thing or status. For example, having kids might mean losing some freedom of choice. Getting married might lead one to lose a sense of independence. With a new citizenship, part of the past might appear lost. With a new profession, it is easy to lose part of one's self-identity.
It might be helpful to have a celebratory gesture. Weddings, baby showers and other social rituals exist for a reason: to acknowledge a significant change and make it more real. Support groups and symbolic actions may help with emotional processing.
Approach piece by piece. Notice irritability, depressive symptoms or anxiety? Address them for what they are. It is helpful to see a therapist or talk to your GP. With all seriousness, adjustment disorder is a thing.
Try to think about what you lost by getting the new thing or status. For example, having kids might mean losing some freedom of choice. Getting married might lead one to lose a sense of independence. With a new citizenship, part of the past might appear lost. With a new profession, it is easy to lose part of one's self-identity.
It might be helpful to have a celebratory gesture. Weddings, baby showers and other social rituals exist for a reason: to acknowledge a significant change and make it more real. Support groups and symbolic actions may help with emotional processing.
Approach piece by piece. Notice irritability, depressive symptoms or anxiety? Address them for what they are. It is helpful to see a therapist or talk to your GP. With all seriousness, adjustment disorder is a thing.
I want to leave the reader with an afterthought: sometimes it doesn't need to "do", and just "being" is enough. Maybe in your case, simple, thoughtless staring at a symbol of change is enough?
In this article, I give examples of significant events because they are quite illustrative. However, even small things can cause significant disruption to emotional adjustment. Again, this text is written entirely by a human. It is a summary of my expertise as a Gestalt practitioner, my personal experience, and education.
In this article, I give examples of significant events because they are quite illustrative. However, even small things can cause significant disruption to emotional adjustment. Again, this text is written entirely by a human. It is a summary of my expertise as a Gestalt practitioner, my personal experience, and education.
Yulia Belozerova
Gestalt Counsellor
November, 22 / 2025
